You wake up and feel like nothing. And then you make the effort, dedicate the energy to stop feeling like nothing long enough to make it through the day.
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I can only be who I am flaws and faults and all the dark and twisty parts. And those that can’t accept and love all of me, are not people I need in my life.
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Sufjan Stevens is perfect for studying.
After 2 months in Berlin I am finally starting to ease into this place and vice versa. I am trying to learn the language and be a good student but really I just want to roam around with headphones in and my camera.
The walking around, the wandering no matter how cold or dreary it is outside, that’s the best part.
I think I am slowly starting to find my smile again, my joy, all that good stuff inside that no one can take away from me yet sometimes you let go of that stuff…and you’re not supposed to.
Plus, I can officially prove that too much time away from tumblr is bad for your insides, your smile, your inspiration, and sense of hope.
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So the past 4 years of my life have been more than a roller coaster and symbolically Obama winning another 4 years has given me that inner sense of hope that I first felt 4 years ago.
I haven’t been on Tumblr in awhile which is self-defeating as this is the place that gives me the most inspiration and while I can always find ways to kill time I’d simply rather just live.
So just like the President, I’m gonna give it another shot, and since I don’t have to run a nation chances are with the right amount of determination and courage I can easily get this done.
And I just miss Tumblr when I’m not here.
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After 14 years in Southern Italy today I’m loading up the car and headed to Berlin for Graduate school. I never imagined that I would live in Italy for so long or love it so much. I never imagined what it’s like to live in a country with free healthcare and where education is affordable.
I also never imagined how useful all my years of Tetris would be in trying to cram all of my crap in the car.
For going away presents I asked for wine because I will not buy Italian wine in Germany. (screw you globalization, screw you).
I also have a 5 liter jug of real Olive oil because that’s how I roll.
So I’m not leaving Tumblr (could never do that) but I have finally decided to start my own blog- it’s time for me to really take action and since I’m changing countries in a couple of months and still planning on getting published I know it’s time for me to get serious.
I will still post here but probably not as often.
If any of my followers want to follow my blog drop me a note and I’ll send you the link.
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I emailed my Mom today. I live in another country but we have had no communication since Christmas.
I did it because she’s my Mom and I don’t have any spare parents. Because it was time, because as old as I am I still need my mom and because I’m trying to be a better person and live my life better everyday.
I wish I could tell all my followers that are younger than me that things are so easy at a certain age- the only thing I can say is that Life is filled with complications and you can get through anything if you truly want to. Also, the older you get the less fucks you truly have to give about stupid people and all they bring.
AND don’t trust people that don’t have a pet even if they’re allergic. Trust me on this one…ans since I’m giving advice always ask people the music they listen to, if you can get their Ipod and look through it because people try to impress you when you ask but you really should judge people by the music they listen to. SERIOUSLY.
One last thing- SInce I’m older than 25 my experiences make me almost Yoda-Dumbledore-ish.
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2 sure signs that I need to put the cork back on the wine…
1. EVERYTHING on my dashboard makes me LMAO and not even exaggerating.
2. I can’t remember what the second thing was.
That really just happened, I seriously had a real #2 and it left while I was writing #1, and yet I have the strength to keep typing all this nonsense.
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Like having gas but not gas. Some part of me that must’ve gotten lost on the way back from Kabul is starting to wake up. I can hear it and I know it’s time to act…
Maybe I was just hibernating even though I’m not a bear.
Or maybe this time the ‘experts’ were right when they said it takes at least a year.
One thing I know is that war is not human and if you send human beings to war teach them how to not be human.
And when they come home, teach them how to be human again.
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Religions. All of them. Lets preach about being kind and loving to all mankind but we’re going to continue being racist and close-minded towards anyone not in our club.
I am a human being. As long as what you do does not prevent me from being happy or causes me any harm then you can do what you want.
Let anyone who wants to get married, if you chose to wear a cross or beads or something covering your head- that’s fine too.
BUT do not tell me that my beliefs offend you because they aren’t your beliefs.
So many people get so worked up over things that could easily be ignored-
So many people form opinions on people, places and things without actually experiencing them:
Not all Americans are obnoxious and arrogant. Not all Italians belong to the Mafia. Not all Muslims are terrorists.
And for my own personal needs: Not all people of color listen to rap, wear their jeans below their asses and come from broken homes.
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about my lack of tumblng and crappy BB pics- have succeeded in re-charging my batteries.
I’m not being sarcastic but sitting on the beach all day and actually relaxing and enjoying is sadly something that is difficult if not impossible for many people.
And therein lies the problem with humanity where we are and what we have is never enough for us.
So my goal for my last vacation of this summer was to be here, on the beach, taking a walk, whatever- in the moment. Appreciating it, enjoying it and being grateful that I could experience it,
For that reason I have left my beloved Pentax at the rental and decided to see things with my own eyes-
and now I have a couple of days left so its time to take more pics because thats what I do and something I love and Greece really is beautiful and worth sharing.
so there, the point is life is short, do what you can with what you have and always always always always be grateful even if its just for trees or sunsets.
There is a sickness and it has a name here in Italy, it’s called Mal d’Africa.
Its not physical, no fevers or chills.
No symptoms the doctor can diagnose.
It’s a feeling, and it gets you when you leave.
I didn’t live there like many others but after a little over a week I can tell you that I have it.
And now that I get to go back at the end of the month, its the only thing that helps me.
Africa changes you, like I imagine India and other places would.
But I didn’t go to India.
I went to Africa and now I want to back, I have to.
I didn’t see enough. I didn’t learn enough.
I was far enough away that I felt like I was no where at all. And that is exactly what I needed.
I have answers and more questions but mostly, I found myself again.
I’ve been walking on the sidewalk when I am a person that likes to walk in the street.
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